Tag Archives: anxiety

March Madness

This is just a brief update.

In March I hit a low point.

My panic disorder, social anxiety, and other mental health issues were getting to be too much to bare – so I reached out to my doctor.

I was reffered to a psych.

A couple weeks later I saw her and was put on the anti-depressant Escitalopram. I was also given Lorazepam – a benzo. Re-entering therapy was also discussed.

I still have my issues.

With that said…

Psychiatric meds can definitely be a life saver

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Speaking of diabetes and mental health…

The events of last year left a mark.

I fear going low. My blood sugar was 215 an hour or two ago – perhaps three. Now it is 132, which seems great. I assure you, it isn’t!

I have noticed this before…my blood sugar dropping elicits fear. I do not want last year to repeat itself. I don’t want to go low every fucking day all summer! That is no way to live on earth. It is befitting of hell…

I fear that I will get burned out again, just like last year. I fear that I will have to repeat the difficult process of overcoming diabetes burnout. I fear this… I fear that… I am anxious.

I dread…Dread…DREAD summer.

Lows elicit anxiety. The thought of lows elicits anxiety.

Although I don’t enjoy this inescapable vulnerability, I, in a sense, accept it. I accept that this is how I feel. I am not – not right now at least – running from myself. It is what it is, ¬†even if what is sucks.

It is one thing to feel this way, quite another to let it master you.

Do you know why diabetes sucks? It can make you feel helpless. You feel like a child. Vulnerable. At the mercy of chance. Awful. Weak. Unraveled.

Writing this post has been cathartic. Hopefully, in the long term, it will help assuage some of my diabetes related fears.

I can feel this way… I can admit to feeling this way… But I need to, for my own well being, remember to keep soldiering on.

Me I My, My I Me, My I My, Me Me Me

Being lost frightens us. Being alone, more still.
Trav’ling the beaten path, you’ll find neither.

Upon the beaten path there lies
a congregation of bandits.
Guard your priceless treasure!

If at a certain point you’re lost,
Let your anxiety subside.
Breathe gently in the summer air,
And in the forest wander.

What was once torn apart has been conjoined.
Two friends have been united!