Tag Archives: Freedom

What is this blog?

This blog centers on an individuals life.

It is an artists’ gallery, with a multitude of paintings adorning
its walls. In interpreting them you are active.

This individual is wandering in a forest, between two extremes. In this we are united.

With words the artist makes strokes upon the canvass:
a creature of his creativity is created.

Throughout his wanderings, experiences are had – in infinite variety.

What results is placed upon the wall for all to see.
Come in and observe them!

In trying to re-present this variety he repeatedly falls short. Words fail to support him.

“What will they think?” the artist wonders.
In interpretation they are free.

Advertisements

#DBlogWeek – A novel approach to discussing mental health

Diabetes and mental health – more specifically the connection between the two – fascinates me. I am excited. I am also concerned. Will I be able to have a narrow focus? Will I ramble on? Heck…will this post even make sense?!

The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor.
~ Albert Camus

We all have rocks to roll. Blood glucose levels are one of mine.

By unfamiliar forces condemned, I roll this rock up the hill of perfection, only to fail…repeatedly.

Now I stand face to face with my own humanity.

Smacked by the futility of the task, consciousness of my predicament arises. Responsibility drops on my shoulders. The moment of decision has arrived.

A book of options is presented. I am free to look it over, free to choose.

Human agency makes its entrance.

My reaction is not predestined.

Inclined towards my habits, the familiar option is chosen. All others are ignored.

For one reason among many, with a spirit of adventure I’m filled, and I decide to forsake my habits. I choose a novel option.

Both of these paths I have traversed.

Which course will I follow?

————

Implicit herein lies most of the mental health difficulties I have faced whilst living with diabetes for the last 12 years.

I hope that some beams of light shine through as well.

————

In the past, I have described in greater specificity some of the psychological challenges that I have faced. In the future I will likely divulge more.

A broad approach for a broad topic. That is the approach I have taken here.

————

Update: I experienced diabetes-related anxiety after publishing this post, which you can read about here:
https://t1dme.wordpress.com/2014/05/14/speaking-of-diabetes-and-mental-health/

Me I My, My I Me, My I My, Me Me Me

Being lost frightens us. Being alone, more still.
Trav’ling the beaten path, you’ll find neither.

Upon the beaten path there lies
a congregation of bandits.
Guard your priceless treasure!

If at a certain point you’re lost,
Let your anxiety subside.
Breathe gently in the summer air,
And in the forest wander.

What was once torn apart has been conjoined.
Two friends have been united!

The Purpose of Writing

Expression. To express is the ultimate end of all writing. That’s it. The purpose of writing is that simple.

Distinguish yourself from the crowd! Don’t insist on complicating the uncomplicated!

Expression is the aim. Everything else is secondary. Conventions. Grammar. Choice of words. These are means to an end. Never lose sight of that.

When you write, you are free. Why do you choose to abbrogate your responsibility? Why do you allow Master Form to entice you with his promises of ease?

just write and remember…

Writing is a selfish endeavor. Art is a selfish pursuit. Despite this, they have the power to inspire…uplift…motivate…change.

Writing is a sea of gray, into which selfishness and selflessness melt away.

These are beliefs I hold dear.

A very windy (winding) road indeed – Why you shouldn’t write titles when low

“A 2007 study by Richard Wiseman from the University of Bristol involving 3,000 people showed that 88% of those who set New Year resolutions fail…” – Wikipedia

Happy New Years Eve!

When I woke up this morning, I had no clue what I was going to write. Looking for inspiration, I took to the internets and searched “new years resolutions” on the Google. (Excuse my excessive use of Bushisms)

The first website I clicked on was Wikipedia (an awkward place to try to find inspiration), and I found the quote that’s at the beginning of this post. This quote served as the first impetus for this post.

Originally, I planned on titling this “will you be among the 12%?” and I was going to touch upon some of the reasons we fail to achieve our goals, and explore some ways in which we might prevent that from happening. (very original)

Now, back to the google search I mentioned earlier.

With a vague idea of what I wanted to write about, I searched “goal setting” in order to find more inspiration. I found what I was looking for…

image

After reading “Why goal setting doesn’t work” by Ray Williams on Psychology Today, I began to question my assumptions about why we fail to fullfill our goals.

My topic had changed, and I began critically analyzing some of my assumptions.

While I was in the middle of writing on my new topic for today, a phrase came to mind: “moving beyond New Years resolutions”. I liked this phrase, so I decided to change my topic once again. (gotta love ADHD)

The intro to this post ends here. 

Like most of my other intro’s on this blog, I began by choosing something random to write about – whatever comes to mind – and proceeded to write about it.

At this point, I could potentially proceed a number of way. I could:

  • turn this into a discussion on decision making in general
  • preach the importance of sticking to one plan of action
  • rant about my inability to stay focused today
  • be a-you-know-what and abruptly end theirs post here
  • etc.

Instead, I’ve decided to try to return to what I originally wanted to do with this post, and, somehow, tie it in with the topic of New Years resolutions.

My attitude is this: if you make it to where you had resolved to go in the beginning, then all of the diversions you take on your life’s path don’t really matter.

When we get blown off course, it’s okay. The real problem is when we decide to not try to get back on course.

Perhaps the reason why only 12% of people succeed at accomplishing their New Years resolution is because 88% of us tend to give up after being blown off course…

This post didn’t proceed as I had originally expected. I still, however, accomplished some of what I set out to do. In addition, I:

  • admitted to not always finding it easy to write, despite my talent;
  • offer a glimpse into my approach to writing these posts;
  • express some ideas that can be used for future posts.
  • didn’t let my ADHD not get in the way of my goals.

As free as a bird

untitled Since posting “Holiday Confession Time” yesterday, I’ve felt liberated. The ghosts of my past no long hold sway over me. A weight has been lifted from my chest. I’m as free as a bird.

Lately, my past has been haunting me. I’ve been keenly aware that the years of terrible control could only have done harm to my body. Looking at how I inadequately I had dealt with my type 1 diabetes evoked fear in me. Thoughts of all the horrific tales of diabetes complications began creeping into my mind.

The fear that my past evoked in me was acting as a smokescreen. My fearful view of the past was something I had to move beyond. It wasn’t doing me any good.

I need to clarify something. I’m not saying that fear is bad per se, and needs to be suppressed. What I am saying is that there comes a point when fear becomes detrimental to our own good, and it’s at this point that we should find a way around it. The question then becomes how to find such a way around it.

Writing provided me with a way to begin to do just that.

Having aired my dirty diabetes laundry in my previous blog post, I’m now in a position where I can look at my past from a higher perspective.

My thoughts are now free to move in more fruitful directions. The past has been transformed from an object of fear into a resource for the future.

I’ve only taken the first step. A long road remains up ahead. This journey will continue – this journey shall never end.

This is Life – A Reflection on a High Blood Sugar

Question markYesterday I was 324. I know what you are probably thinking: “So? What’s the point?” Please, read on… fight the urge to give up, and the point will be clear to us eventually.

As you read the proceeding words, keep this in mind: I mention something that’s seemingly so insignificant for a reason. A very good reason…

Here’s a hint: it is here. That hint isn’t helpful, I know. It is too ambiguous. Ambiguity leaves us feeling… uncomfortable, and we often have the urge to flee. For those who say no to this urge, however, there may be a reward.

Back to my number… that mere number… that not-so-uncommon-especially-as-of-late blood glucose reading.

Numbers in the 300s have become a common occurrence. This number in the 300s, however, was unique…. the singularity of this particular number is something that language fails to adequately grasp.

Words often fail us, and that which we’ve been struggling to express is left unsaid.

When I experience blood sugars like this I typically, out of habit, correct it.  If other people are around and they do anything annoying I’ll express my displeasure through my not-so-subtle tone of voice. Anyway… That’s beside the point.

Now, if you’ve managed to read your way through these meandering words you deserve a cookie for your patience. Patience is often a virtue. If you have given up, I’m sending you a sugar free cookie because sugar free food sucks and you’re a big meanie. :p

Back to our main point… whatever that may be.

Something stood out about this number in the 300s… this number in the 300s was different from the countless other similar one’s. This difference was there, but wasn’t fully present to me at first. All I could see were broad outlines.

By now, if you’re not exasperated and/or trying to figure out why I keep blathering on about a stupid number, you might be wonder “what made this number different?” The answer is: absolutely nothing made this number different. Yet, there was a difference.

Welcome to the land of apparently trite distinctions.

The difference was this: this number, although ordinary, had an extra-ordinary impact on me.  I experienced it as something inspiring, and not as something merely mundane.

Now “back” to a main point: the Main Point is a lie. There are many points, but no Point. The point’s are what you appropriate from my blog postYou are free.

This blog post is life.

Life is strange. As our life takes its twists and turns, we are faced with many unexpected occurrences. There are moments of bewildernment, moments of exuberance,  moments of inspiration, moments of dullness, etc. There are seemingly infinite possibilities.

What you choose to focus on, and how you choose to approach events both give your life a certain tinge and help influence the lessons we gain therefrom.

In life, what might be mundane for one person might me a source of great inspiration for another. Who are we do say for sure what is ordinary and what is extraordinary?

In our lives, the opinions of other people often act to circumscribe our interpretation of events – often times without us even noticing. In fact, the previous 3 paragraph (perhaps more), did just that.

Perhaps, in the end, that which was hidden from you in the very beginning will be unveiled.

The Law of Life

imageChange is the only constant. – Heraclitus 

Today is winter solstice. As autumn flows into winter, so does each moment flow into the next. Nothing remains the same. Change is the law of life.

Life is a flux. This is both a blessing and a curse… as are most things.

For those of us who have struggled in the past, or who are struggling now, change is a blessing. We are not enslaved to the past, or bound to the present. We are constantly marching on towards the future.

For those of us who’re thriving in the present and are unwilling to accept that things will change, this is a curse. However, for those with open minds and receptive hearts, it’s a cause for overflowing joy. The joys of the present moment fill their hearts.

One of the greatest fallacies we can make is to mistake the present for the future. Where we are now isn’t where we’ll be tomorrow.

All of these realizations have grown in me over the years. Every event in my life… every person… every book… every interest – all things I’ve encountered have left their mark.

I have changed; I am changing; I will continue to change.

My life has been a crash course in philosophy.

Since March of 1993: I have been near death, and I have been full of life; I have been frail, and I have been strong; I have been fit, and I have been out of shape; I have had beta cells, and I have lacked beta cells. The only constancy has been change.

I have come to accept uncertainty. I have come to accept the fate of all things. I am no longer afraid. In these realizations, there’s freedom… In them, there’s peace.

I am free: the present doesn’t bind me. The past’s influence isn’t set in stone – I am free.

As all things must come to an end eventually, this is where I’ll end this post.