Tag Archives: low blood sugar

Speaking of diabetes and mental health…

The events of last year left a mark.

I fear going low. My blood sugar was 215 an hour or two ago – perhaps three. Now it is 132, which seems great. I assure you, it isn’t!

I have noticed this before…my blood sugar dropping elicits fear. I do not want last year to repeat itself. I don’t want to go low every fucking day all summer! That is no way to live on earth. It is befitting of hell…

I fear that I will get burned out again, just like last year. I fear that I will have to repeat the difficult process of overcoming diabetes burnout. I fear this… I fear that… I am anxious.

I dread…Dread…DREAD summer.

Lows elicit anxiety. The thought of lows elicits anxiety.

Although I don’t enjoy this inescapable vulnerability, I, in a sense, accept it. I accept that this is how I feel. I am not – not right now at least – running from myself. It is what it is, ¬†even if what is sucks.

It is one thing to feel this way, quite another to let it master you.

Do you know why diabetes sucks? It can make you feel helpless. You feel like a child. Vulnerable. At the mercy of chance. Awful. Weak. Unraveled.

Writing this post has been cathartic. Hopefully, in the long term, it will help assuage some of my diabetes related fears.

I can feel this way… I can admit to feeling this way… But I need to, for my own well being, remember to keep soldiering on.

Summer (and hypoglycemia) is upon us

It is kind of hot today. Much hotter than I am currently accustomed to. It is 80 F to be exact. Excuse me if my writing isn’t quite as good as it typically is. I do not like the heat.

It would be no exaggeration to say that the impact that the heat has on my blood sugar is a major reason for me disliking the heat. It makes me go low…a lot.

My insulin sensitivity usually isn’t the greatest. Two things supercharge it: heat and exercise.

It is easier to plan ahead when it comes to exercise. It is easier for me to adjust my rates in accordance with my insulin needs. As for the heat…that’s a different story.

I live in New England. Maine, to be exact. This region of the US isn’t known for its predictable climate. To the contrary: our weather is insane. It is all over the place. It is unpredictable. It is much like my blood sugars ūüėČ

I would be fine – or, at the very least, more accepting – if I didn’t have type 1 diabetes.

As it stands, I do have diabetes, which makes New England weather a pain in the ass to deal with.

It is only the heat that I have to struggle with though. The cold doesn’t have much of an impact.

Today is an exception: the heat hasn’t had much of an impact. Perhaps that’s because I woke up high. Who knows.

This, if you can’t tell, is a free write – hence its rambling character.

I am also tired and unfocused. That certainly impacts the overall quality of my writing, and not in a positive way

free write

For the next 10 minutes I will write without rest. I have no clue what I have brought on upon myself, nor do I know what will be the results. Into the unknown I leap.

I remember that it was in 8th grade that I learned this exercise. I hated it. Part of me was intreagued by it. It’s unpleasant. As a writer, you’re on eternal search for the “right word.” You look constantly for the perfect note to use in your masterpiece. Free writing destroys that – or attempts to.

It is a terrible treatment. It feels unnatural…forced…contrived. Initially.

After some practice – and that’s a gross understatement – taking this approach, or rather, this exercise becomes second nature. Although not truly free writing, my style of blogging is very similar. The difference: I do not usually force myself to write for a given period of time. Therefore, I am somewhat used to this.

This time, it is slightly different than usual. For this post, I am writing continuously for 10 minutes. Continuously blathering on. Continuously writing nonsense. Continuously writing words. Continuously this, continuously that. Rambling on and on. No end in sight.

I will stop. That is BS. I will try to stop.

As I jot down these rambling words, it is currently 5:20 pm. I have already published 1 blog post today, and have finished another. This is my second free write.

I am absolutely on fire. Creatively, that is. It’s actually annoying…annoying that sometimes I am productive as hell – whatever tha is supposed to mean – while other times it is nearly impossible for me to write.

The words flow

The words flow onwards, like the Amazon snakes its way through the lush rainforest. It flows on. They flow on. They flow on, but not as long. Thankfully!

Before writing this – a good 20 minutes before – I was low. Lows are great, aren’t they? No? Great! You’re sane!

Stubborn lows at inopportune moments

THIS IS TYPE 1 DIABETES…

I was tired and wanted to go to bed. The problem: stubborn lows prevented me from going to bed.

————-

This happened twice last week.

Although these incidences were outwardly similar, my reactions were significantly different.

Whereas, during the first incident I reacted stoically, during the second I reacted with a cocktail of self-pity, anger, and other negative emotions. During the former, I felt no need to express myself; during the later, I felt the need to rant on twitter.

Despite reacting differently while they were happening, I felt the same way the day after. It is difficult for me to explain exactly how I felt, but it was not a bad feeling.

(I do not believe in taking a half-assed approach. Therefore, I am going to at least¬†try¬†to express how I felt…)

True…I felt tired; however, tiredness did not dominate.

I felt proud…a sense of accomplishment…triumphant.

Although I felt the same after each of these instances, my thoughts differed.

After the first incident, my diabetes-related thoughts centered around how I was emotionally impervious to the problems that diabetes had thrown at me the night before. I thought about how emotionally mature I was in handling it.

After the second incident, my diabetes-related thoughts centered around how, even when diabetes causes me to stumble, I will continue marching forward.

Context:

  • For the last few weeks I have been getting a decent amount of sleep (given my repeated “bouts” of insomnia, I often go through long periods of limited sleep);
  • My sister was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes on April 1st;
  • I have recently been experiencing more hypoglycemia;
  • Since mid-April I have felt immensely proud of myself;
  • Generally speaking, I have felt pleased with my blood sugars;
  • I have not been exercising frequently;
  • I have not been meditating regularly;
  • I¬†have¬†been reading quite a bit;
  • I¬†have¬†been writing prolifically;
  • There have been no major sources of stress in my life recently;
  • I was not aware of feeling stressed out.