I want to write about diabetes burnout – in particular, my most recent bout with it. I want to find a way to incorporate the posts I made on tumblr a month ago, when my burnout was at its peak. As I attempt to achieve these goals, I’m continually falling short. I’ve hit a brick wall – and keep hitting it over and over again. Writers block has reared it’s ugly head.
After writing and re-writing this post repeatedly, I’ve decided to give writers block the finger, and write about writers block. I ain’t gonna let writers block slow me down…
If you can’t tell already, this post is essentially going to be a free write until I’m able to magically transition to the topic I had initially planned on writing about.
As a writer, beginnings are my archnemesis. I need to find my groove; after I’ve done so, it’s takeoff! If I don’t, my writing’s a train wreck.
Perhaps it’s because I try too hard. Rather than putting my trust in my own abilities, I try to force myself to write rather than allowing myself to write. Perhaps having a preplanned subject matter adds extra pressure. Perhaps, like a guitar player, I simply have to relax my mind and body, and then just write.
The part of this post that is actually about diabetes begins after this sentence.
Now my groove is coming back to me and, of course, now I’m starting to feel low…
I’m actually 123 (a nice number for more than one reason).
That unpleasant interruption brings us to today’s topic: the psychological challenges of overcoming diabetes burnout.
When your blood sugar is high all of the time, you adapt to it. Chronic hyperglycemia is miserable to live with, but I get accustomed to living miserably. It also tends to make me feel depressed after awhile, which means I…lack of motivation.
In other words, chronic hyperglycemia eliminates possible motivations to improve my blood sugars, while also making it more difficult to feel motivated in general.
To complicate matters further, I know that, as I improve my blood sugars, I will both experience more lows and start to feel low when I’m not. Psychologically, there is little difference between the two. Both of them make me feel the same, and this feeling isn’t one I desire.
Do you remember how I mentioned wanting to incorporate something I wrote on tumblr into this post? Well…I’m about to do just that.
Here’s something I wrote while I was experiencing burnout:
The first sentence is the part of that post that’s relevant to this one.
Pulling yourself out of diabetes burnout involves making a decision between two shitty options. It’s not as black and white as it may seem.
If you’re stuck in a negative mindset, this taints your judgement. Both of them can appear to be equally bad if this is your mindset.
All of these things make diabetes burnout an incredibly difficult hole to climb out of.
What I have been describing is, of course, an extreme example. What I’m describing is a case where diabetes burnout and chronic hyperglycemia fed into each other.
It probably would have made more sense for me to organize the last three paragraphs into bullet points but what has been done has been done.
In conclusion, I don’t like writing conclusions, therefore this post will abruptly end here