Is a caption really necessary?
Is a caption really necessary?
Behind the veil concealed
Lies a thing so precious
That words can’t bring to light.
Into darkness we’re plunged,
For the clouds hide the sun.
THIS IS TYPE 1 DIABETES…
I was tired and wanted to go to bed. The problem: stubborn lows prevented me from going to bed.
This happened twice last week.
Although these incidences were outwardly similar, my reactions were significantly different.
Whereas, during the first incident I reacted stoically, during the second I reacted with a cocktail of self-pity, anger, and other negative emotions. During the former, I felt no need to express myself; during the later, I felt the need to rant on twitter.
Despite reacting differently while they were happening, I felt the same way the day after. It is difficult for me to explain exactly how I felt, but it was not a bad feeling.
(I do not believe in taking a half-assed approach. Therefore, I am going to at least try to express how I felt…)
True…I felt tired; however, tiredness did not dominate.
I felt proud…a sense of accomplishment…triumphant.
Although I felt the same after each of these instances, my thoughts differed.
After the first incident, my diabetes-related thoughts centered around how I was emotionally impervious to the problems that diabetes had thrown at me the night before. I thought about how emotionally mature I was in handling it.
After the second incident, my diabetes-related thoughts centered around how, even when diabetes causes me to stumble, I will continue marching forward.
My 12 year old sister was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes on April 1. Needless to say, my thoughts are centered around helping her to transition to her new life. Therefore, I’m going to put the series of posts that I was planning on hold indefinitely. Doing what I can to help her is more important than this diabetes blog.
With that said, I’m not disappearing from the Diabetes Online Community. The DOC is essential for my well-being.
If you want to stay updated, follow me on twitter @T1DME
March has been a month marked by indecision.
Although I’ve had a plethora of ideas, they proved to be too many.
Despite having published posts for this type 1 diabetes blog, my work has felt pointless.
Having overcome diabetes burnout, I had lost a unifying theme.
April is a new month. With the onset of a new month, my indecision will melt away. The seeds of a new theme are about to take root and, over the upcoming days, weeks, and (possibly) months they will bloom.
The pointless pomp, the alliteration, the flowery language. All of that ends here; henceforth, I shall be clear.
Here’s what you need to know:
In the last 2 months I’ve made observable progress in how well I manage living with type 1 diabetes. Alas! I am winning my competition against diabetes. So long as I don’t become complacent, I will be victorious.
May the bitterness of defeat remain far from my lips from this point forward! In The 12 years I’ve lived with diabetes, I have tasted defeat far too often. Never again!
For the latter part of 2013, diabetes remained ahead of me on the scoreboard. It wasn’t until mid-December that I started turning things around.
My rally from behind began when I strengthened up my defenses against diabetes burnout. Introspective writing was my means of doing so.
With my defenses shored up, I went on the offensive. My initial target was blood glucose testing. Raising my testing frequency was a preliminary step for adequate control over my diabetes.
When the time was right – during late January – I began to increase my physical activity. That’s when things really began to improve.
As of right now, my 7 day average is 174, whereas, previously, it was in the low to upper 200s. This decrease hasn’t come at the cost of more lows. This improvement is, therefore, sustainable.
Going forward, my strategy will remain the same: to reduce my average blood sugars while trying to prevent hypoglycemia. So long as I stick to this strategy, I will defeat type 1 diabetes.
This week hasn’t been the best…all thanks to Mr. D. To be less obscure, I had moments of laxity in how I managed my type 1 diabetes. My testing “pattern” became erratic, and I had a few high blood sugar readings that would have been caught earlier if I hadn’t been so lax.
Previously, the process of recovering from diabetes burnout went swimmingly. All this changed when I got my guitar restrung. In the days that followed, I spent an obsessive amount of time on it. Unfortunately, I became too distracted from diabetes.
When I play/noodle on the guitar, all my thought’s melt away, and I become completely absorbed in a tumultuous sea of sound (I’m not the best guitar player). For me, this is a much needed stress reliever. Unfortunately, it’s equally adept at “relieving” me of my sense of time which, in turn, screws up how frequently I test.
Luckily, the intense interest in playing my guitar has lost its edge, and no longer poses a threat to my effort to rebuild my skillful diabetes management habits.
This incident was relatively minor. It only caused me to miss testing a handful of times. The period where I was unmindful of having a chronic condition only lasted a handful of days – not long enough to crystallize any unskillful management habits.
Those handful of days earlier this week were an aberration. The journey shall continue…
As I continue reestablishing skillful diabetes management habits, I need to pace myself.
I’d experienced diabetes burnout from September until the middle of December, during which I formed numerous unskillful habits. For instance, I was only testing twice a day, I didn’t change my pump site as often as I should, etc. Given the plethora of bad habits I had formed, I’m basically starting from square one.
Given the magnitude of the task at hand, it’s essential that I focus on one or two habits at a time; otherwise, I risk overwhelming myself. I risk burning myself out all over again.
Although the road to adequate diabetes management is long, I’m certain that, so long as I pace myself, I’ll reach my destination.
The wisdom of properly pacing oneself extends to other areas of life as well. I’m currently trying to pace myself in these other areas as well. This blog is one example of where I can implement it.
Therefore, I’m going to lower my posting frequency. For the rest of January I plan on posting twice a week – on Monday and on either Thursday or Friday.
ADHD is being particularly meddlesome today. I can’t stay focused. As soon as I focus on something, my mind starts to wonder elsewhere. I’m not even able to absorb myself into the act of writing. I’m struggling to write, and it’s not do to a lack of ideas. Rather, there’s an overabundance of them.
I say this to bring to light a fact about blogging: it doesn’t always come easy. Oftentimes, a lot of work goes on “behind the scene’s.” What the reader is left with is a heavily polished product. There is nothing inherently wrong with this. I just don’t want my blog to be like that.
I want to have a blog that takes a more avant-garde approach… yet, I want readers – a lot of them. These two aims can and will clash.
I don’t want to allow any facade’s to be erected. I want my imperfections as a writer to shine through. This contrary to my own perfectionism, my societies unhealthy obsession with perfection, and, sometimes, writing conventions. I do this not as an end in itself, but as a statement.
Perfectionism isn’t good for anybody. For people with type 1 diabetes it’s particularly bad. [distracted by snow] Prior to being distractedly, I did have a complete thought – and I still remember it – but I’m not going to complete it. [briefly distracted by nothing in particular].
I’m not leaving that thought incomplete in order to be an asshole. I’m leaving it incomplete in order to given you a taste of what it’s like to have ADHD. Look on the bright side: you don’t have to deal with a mind that’s so unfocused…so easily distracted.
Anyways…I to get some more coffee and get back to putting finishing touches on the post I’ve been trying to get done. You’ll see that one later.
PS this short post (somehow) took 48 minutes to complete