Carrying on is a habit –
One established in time.
Effort doesn’t produce instantly.
This frustrates me greatly!
Fears multiply exponentially if
The river of progress goes still too long
Lamotrigine may come to aid me then,
And keep the frustration from growing strong.
Just write.
Whatever comes out, comes out.
Whether it’s good or bad is irrelevant.
Just write.
Editing might happen later.
It might not.
Just write and hold off on deciding.
Whether or not you should publish it can be answered at another time.
For now, just write!
Here I lay in need of a site change
Yelled at by a growing naseau yet
Pulled away by fear of failure
Everything feels doomed
Repudiating these thoughts seems
Gratuitous at best!
Life beckons me onwards though
Yearnfull for better things I am;
Conflicted by aimless forces
Everything seems vague though
Morn still sits upon the horizon
I will arise again
All is not yet lost!
Being bogged down sucks.
Endlessly running, forever in place – like a hamster stuck in their wheel.
And every protest’s but a squeel…
It’s no way to live.
When you will to live it’s oppressive.
A viscous course that leaves one a corse.
Under its curse
Depression deprives.
Every step backwards leads to a swamp.
Appearences, so real, deceive – of course!
Is it but a nightmare?
One can’t escape the dream.
And then one awakens
One awakens to steam
And one then builds another dream.
This is just a brief update.
In March I hit a low point.
My panic disorder, social anxiety, and other mental health issues were getting to be too much to bare – so I reached out to my doctor.
I was reffered to a psych.
A couple weeks later I saw her and was put on the anti-depressant Escitalopram. I was also given Lorazepam – a benzo. Re-entering therapy was also discussed.
I still have my issues.
With that said…
Psychiatric meds can definitely be a life saver
Little goals are easier to achive. Celebrating little victories helps build confidence. This rings true for some.
My problem: the word little.
It feels constricting. Diminishing. Demoralizing. Downright unhelpful.
Solid advice,
Disempowering packaging:
That’s what it is for me
Ups and downs abound
Acceptance is essential
Diabetes challenges us in varying ways. In how we deal with such challenges we differ.
Although celebrating the little victories helps many, doing so is not universally beneficial.
I have tried celebrating my little victories, and have had mixed results. As a result, I motivate myself in other ways.
Do what works for you
Respect what works for others
Diabetes is bland. It is a set of routines that evoke no emotional response. It is just there, tagging along as I continue living.
Diabetes is irritating. It stirs up trouble at inopportune moments. Life is complicated by its machinations.
Diabetes is a hospital bed.
This blog centers on an individuals life.
It is an artists’ gallery, with a multitude of paintings adorning
its walls. In interpreting them you are active.
This individual is wandering in a forest, between two extremes. In this we are united.
With words the artist makes strokes upon the canvass:
a creature of his creativity is created.
Throughout his wanderings, experiences are had – in infinite variety.
What results is placed upon the wall for all to see.
Come in and observe them!
In trying to re-present this variety he repeatedly falls short. Words fail to support him.
“What will they think?” the artist wonders.
In interpretation they are free.
The following is a rough outline of the message I intend to send. It is only a starting point. My message is apt to change. Some of this will be discarded. Other parts will be explicated.
My message has congealed. My message is congealing.
Gritty realism and hope. Positives and negatives. Individuality and community. Freedom and fate. Ignore none of these.
Acknowledge the shit life happens to throw at you; however, do not let it weigh you down.
Aim for self-development, aim for growth. Connect goals with this ideal.
The connection between diabetes and life as a whole. What does diabetes have to teach us about life?
Mindfulness, diabetes, and life. Mindfulness of ones BG patterns, the impact of various foods and activities = essential part of diabetes management. Emphasize its value in life as a whole.
Focus on focus. Emphasize it.
Acknowledge limitations. Focus on freedom.
Acknowledge X, focus on Y.
Focus on the power we already posses. Focusing just on empowerment = one sided.
Focus on what you can control. Avoid focusing on things that depend on other factors.
Focus on behavior.
Focus on habits.
Focus on perspective.
Obsessing over circumstance is not the most beneficial option.
Above all else, make it about eudaimonia.
Before proceeding I would like to thank Karen Graffeo for organizing DBlogWeek and everyone who participated.
I began blogging in late December 2013, so this is my first DBlogWeek.
Initially I was hesitant about joining this event. A week or two before I had published posts on 6 consecutive days – my personal record. Would I be able to do it again?
Obviously I did join, and, as it turned out, my initial fears were unfounded. With that said, it wasn’t easy.
Attempting to keep up with other people’s posts was difficult. I fell behind. Although I failed to keep up, in the upcoming days I will make sure to read the ones that I missed.
Anyway…
Here is what made #DBlogWeek a great experience:
May good blood sugars be with you all until next time!
t1dme 